Air Date: 5.14.2012


Black Widow Not in Iron Man 3

Nah na-nah nah, hey hey hey, goodbyyyyyyye!!!!

                Let me clarify something: I do not HATE Scarlett Johansson (tho I've heard rumors that she's a real snob) as much as what she represents. Hollywood does this all the time, they release a pointless female character that nowhere near holds her ground to her supporting cast but still is forced into the movie merely for the T&A factor. Let's take a Hollywood starlet, put her in the tightest clothes possible, and try and hypnotize the nerds and fanboys with her curves in hopes they won't notice she doesn't appear to have ANY character, emotion, or purpose to the story. Scarlett Johansson regularly tries to play roles with depth and character, and only ends up sounding like she's reading straight from the script all the while making the same blank expression the entire movie. Then we're supposed to believe that she, without any powers or weapons outside of normal guns and kung foo, can fight the same hoarde of monsters that a demi-god, giant mutant hulk, armored flight suit, and genetically altered super soldier are struggling to hold back. And not to mention when she leaps up and grabs the craft flying by at nearly mach 1, and somehow didn't rip her arm from her socket? Check the other comics if you're lost: Iron Maniac, Ask A Celebrity, And The Winner Is...

This is how I imagine every shoot day with her goes.

                                    Scarlett walks on set.

So I've rehearsed my lines over and over and I think
I really understand the character.

What? I'm sorry but can we get a lower cut blouse for her?

I was saying I'd like to try several different emotions
this time and see if you like any of them.

That's great, whatever, now can you bend over more?
Towards the camera?

Um, okay, but what do you think my character is
feeling in this scene?

                                    Director thinks for a moment.

I know, can we just have her in a towel for this scene?

            I'm sure she wants to be more than just the movie's token cleavage and when she takes on serious Indie roles in films she's trying her best, but I just don't think any director ever takes her seriously enough to give her the chance, and audiences sure as heck do not care.

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